Ten reasons why you should not visit Santiago de Cuba

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I couldn’t pass up this hilarious piece of social satire by Negra cubana tenía que ser, “Ten reasons why you should not visit Santiago de Cuba.” I translated the ten reasons here, but they will mean so much more, once you see all the photographs (in the link to the Spanish-language original below).

  1. The streets of Santiago are too colorful for your liking. Your eyes may pop out of their sockets with such visual explosion!
  2. And the street is full of people! Too many to your liking. Furthermore, these are people who smile all the time, and that makes you uncomfortable. They also speak loud and, sometimes, they yell! There is activity on the street at all hours. Too much action for you; better stay home to watch your favorite TV program.
  3. And you just found out that the most common form of transportation in the city is by motorcycle, product of the extinct socialist camp that existed in Santiago. Too simple for those of you who prefer the comfort of a car. And with air-conditioning, even better.
  4. And walking around these winding streets, on an incline, full of stairs, and crammed with all sorts of colors? Who would come up with such nonsense! Better take a step class at the gym in your neighborhood.
  5. The live music will not let you sleep. And that’s not fair. In addition, noblesse oblige, you have to leave a tip to all those musicians. No, no, better go listen to that canned “Cuban music” you have on your MP3 and save your money.
  6. People come way too close… So much that you believe you are not vacation in a strange city but rather in your own home, surrounded by family and friends. And you don’t want that. Especially since you paid a fortune for the pleasure of being a tourist!
  7. There are many types of mangoes that you will have trouble deciding which one to choose: bizcochuelo, manga blanca, Toledo, mamey mangoes… So it goes, and you don’t have any time to waste. And all this so you can eat a fruit that is so sweet that it is cloying? No thanks; in your country you have all kinds of frozen fruit.
  8. And as to letting it all hang out with the conga? This is not for you. Why lose your composure just because you hear the sound of some drums and a Chinese horn?!
  9. And the vendors’ cries? You really do not understand why the street vendors go around announcing what they sell in this rhythmic fashion. Haven’t they ever heard of noise pollution? Better get yourself a [noise cancelling] headset.
  10. And that landscape? Nah, you are moved by other things…

For original, see http://negracubanateniaqueser.com/2015/09/03/diez-razones-por-las-cuales-no-deberias-visitar-santiago-de-cuba/

Also see “Eight reasons not to go to Cuba,” at http://negracubanateniaqueser.com/2015/08/10/ocho-razones-por-las-cuales-no-deberias-ir-cuba/

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